I'm going to share my flaws:
Stretch Marks
I've acquired my stretch marks from loosing my adolescent weight. The only stretch mark my son gave me was on my belly button. These stretch marks have always been prominent under my arms and a bit around the upper front bend of my legs. Since I've been working these areas, my stretch marks have somehow traveled longer. They are now visible on my hips and are much more prominent around the back of my arms. I'm used to the red lines of broken capillaries, but these stretch marks are skin that was once stretched and now has shrunken to very white, wrinkled lightning bolt streaks. There is no way for me to have these removed without abrasive surgery. Maybe next summer, I will get myself a tan. I've outgrown the entice of a toasty appearance of melanoma, but I've done much worse for beauty. I have to come to terms with my stretch marks!
Fat Rolls
Yes, I still have them! My secret fat rolls are at the top center of my inseam. I've always had these rolls. Since exercising, they have decreased dramatically, but they're still there. This is why I NEVER wear bikini bottoms without shorts. When I look in the mirror while doing a squat, I see those bags under my thighs. I'm proud because my thighs are defined by muscle, but I deem to work harder and harder until every last bit of these rolls at my inseam go away. That may never happen, but that's the goal.
I do not have love handles on my bra line, but when I turn to look, I see that crease in my skin and it looks thick to me. My stomach and outer hips are very fatty IMO. Ex when I wear tight waisted shorts, I get that mushroom bump that I despise so much on anyone including myself. I don't get this bulge in my tummy, but it is prominent on my hips. Oh, I hate it!
Saggy Skin
Its hard for me to distinguish between a fat roll and extra skin because extra skin holds a layer of fat. While my 'bat wings' are not as prominent as most, it bugs me that they're there. I'm thankful that my stomach doesn't sag unless I scrunch up and I'm extremely grateful that this sagging skin doesn't rub and hurt me that way my once fatty thighs would. Sagging skin is a minor problem for me.
Medical Issues
I constantly say that I'm going to get a physical, but if never do. Lately, I've been having a loss of vision and dizziness. I think this is because I'm not drinking enough fluids. Maybe I'm fighting a passing illness. It's not a big concern to me right now.
A friend asked me if I feel any different about being thinner since I was once so big.
- I feel more satisfied when I go shopping for clothes. It's a catch-22 because now I have to pay for my own clothes and I still only fit juniors apparel. The challenge to find cute items in my size is now fun whereas it used to be depressing. Shopping, for me, is still discouraging at times because of my stature and budget. I often over-estimate my size, which makes me feel good even though I'm not as thin as I'd like.
- I actually got more attention from males when I was a bigger girl. I was more confident and felt more desirable than I do now. These days, I'm no youthful spring chicken and I'm not stupid enough to fall in love with any fool who tells me 'You're pretty.' I'm not a b*tch because I think I'm all that; I'm a b*tch because its insulting for someone to think they can get in my pants after evaluating me for all of a few moments.
- I do have respect for bigger and thinner women that I don't think I would have had if I were not big once myself.
----- My cousin is very thin. As empathy, she shared that people think she is anorexic (she certainly is not), that people think she is choosing to be so skinny, and that she has trouble finding pants that fit length-wise without falling off. She also told me that the secret to being thin is pooping all the time LOL. If it were only that easy!
----- As an adult, I can look at larger girls and respect the way they love their skin. I understand the secret agony of finding clothes that fit, the sadness of being judged as lazy and sick even though you're struggling to manage. It's very unfair that being skin and bones is overlooked while being even slightly larger is considered a disgusting health risk. Shame on our society's ignorance!
Again with the clothes
I am financially strapped with school clothes and supplies while also trying to keep this kid fed with fresh healthy meals and the occasional treat. Its a real struggle to balance money. My priorities place my own wants at the very bottom of the list, as they should be. Your child should always come first! I can wear my sweatpants, I can use a belt, I can succumb to being one of those girls who wears yoga pants all the time, and where the heck am I going where I have to look stylish anyway? A school conference? I'm going to spend my day in the basement going through my winter clothes and hope for the best.
I'm not done losing weight! I'm just barely under 115 and I want to be below 110. Perhaps when a belt no longer works, I'll acquire some $5 jeans from Goodwill. I cannot afford to buy new clothes for myself. I was going to give myself an allowance at Sears for my birthday, but that's pointless since Dh lost another car. I will not be getting a bow flex because they cost too much.
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