I have been sweating unbelievably since my last female cycle and I don't know why. I'm in a temperature controlled environment, doing the same exertion level I've always done, drinking water just as often...if anything, my food choices have gotten much better. I'm wondering if I'm missing a specific nutrient or if the lower salt content is stopping me from retaining water. I'm not sure if its a good thing or a warning sign. I have to research sweat. That's sorta my thing - if I fear it, I research the snot out of it. I really should go to my doctor and explain my fitness regimen and make sure I'm not harming myself. I don't feel like its too much and I believe its helping me avoid panic attacks. Heck, I should tell my therapist what I'm doing so that she can help me avoid becoming dangerously obsessive due to me being OCD.
Speaking of panic attacks, I had one at the end of my vacation. We were in Jersey, which is a lovely place for someone with OCD. I stepped in dog poop and passed by a gently used sanitary napkin on my way to the bathroom to clean my shoe with toilet covers in the sink. My stomach knotted up, I couldn't slow my breathing, and I started smelling fowl things that could not possibly be there. Then I coughed out vomit on the side of the road half way through the turnpike and slept until we hit the West Virginia line. I kept apologizing to my boys even though they were more worried than disgusted. I felt stupid and mentally poor for getting sick over something so minor, but now I think it was a pretty normal reaction for anybody, let alone someone with anxiety.
It bothers me so much that I can't eat what everyone else eats unless it's prepared, stored, and served a certain way. I feel ridiculous for fearing that someone might see and smell me sweat. Everybody sweats and none of us have a rose scent to us. I detest that no matter how much I exercise, I can always find many things that aren't the way I want them to be and I can't relish the enjoyment of my obvious progress. I should be proud, but I still feel under the par. I want to do Zumba in the town square, record my running times on a street surface, take dance lessons with a group, and share my exercise time with others who also want to get fit. Where's my magic little pill?!
The way I see it, I can mope about how weird I am and how those things stop me from being as healthy as I'd like or I can expect baby steps from myself and keep working at it. This 5k is my baby step, my dirty cup purposely left on the table over night. I have doubled my walking speed, increased my stride, built my own cardio routine and stuck to it for more than a month! I will join public forms of fitness one day even if today is not that day. Progress takes time.