"Hi, my name is Karen."
I am currently 31 years old, 5'1", and roughly 120 pounds. When I was a teenager, I weighed 180 pounds. I busted my tail by exercising and changing my diet until I was 130 pounds. Then, at 18, I got pregnant with my son. It took me a while to get back down to 130, but I've balanced out to about 120 pounds ever since. If anybody asks, I'm 110 and not a pound more. I'm very proud of my massive weight loss, but I'm always afraid of getting fat again. I know how it feels to tote men's 32's past stylish juniors clothing and cry at your reflection in the skinny mirror. I know how it hurts to be starving a few hours after a reasonably-sized meal, with your tummy growling like uncontrollable gas at the most inappropriate moments. I KNOW what it's like to be fat! People occasionally call me fat now, but it doesn't hurt me like it used to because 'if they only knew...' It still bothers me a bit to think others might be considering me as a chunky monkey. I love food too much, so exercise and altering the type of foods are my only options.
Im doing this challenge because I want to inspire and encourage my son to be healthier. I struggle with his weight because he could care less. He's about 5' and weighs 132 pounds. He's definitely not obese, but he is a little chunky. I partly blame genetics because he isn't the only fat kid in the family. My child doesn't like to do anything that requires going outside, but he still goes everywhere with me. If everywhere is the park, its only a matter of time before he stops pouting and starts enjoying it. My secret goal is to have him riding a bike by the end of summer. I purposely ride my own bike with his friends when its cool outside because I know he wants to be with me and them. I have asked his friends to help teach him and give him positive encouragement, which they surely do. I'm half-tempted to lock the front door and tell him that he can sit on the porch by himself or walk or bike with me. IMO, that seems wrong, but I'm pretty close to accepting that.
I have limited transportation ever since I bought the house in June 2014. My partner traded in his G6 for a truck so that he could haul things. Unfortunately, I cannot reach the pedals to drive it. It's falling apart, so maybe he'll share his next car. Unlike Mr $10 in gas, I always keep a quarter tank or more in there, so it really benefits him as well as me to share his vehicle. I know that I should buy my own vehicle, but my hell-bent need to be the only person who buys my son's needs cuts my budget down too much to afford a car. It's either paying the utility bills on time or getting an extra car for convenience. Guess which one I choose. We have a bus line that stops down at the corner once an hour on most days. I'm diagnosed with PTSD and social anxiety, so its easy for me to make excuses. I need to stop that, but that's easier said than done.
By the end of this summer, I hope to be in much better shape. I don't want to lose weight because I don't care about that. Instead, I want to be more solid, with muscle. I want my family to be accustomed to athletic activities because if they've got to go with me they might as well join me. I want us all to live longer and feel better about ourselves as a family unit.
It helps motivate me to log what I've done and plan what I will do. I swear I'm OCD. Maybe sharing this experience with the world will help just one person find one activity that they believe that they too can do independently. Maybe a mom will read it, nod her head at the comparable laziness of our children, and suggest a star chart or sneaky method that could help me out in my quest. Maybe this entire blog will sit out in cyberspace only to be read by nosey cousins or angry exes. Regardless, it cannot hurt to document this process.